Bon Appétit

Since we were little this "Say you too thing" has been drilled into us, or is it just me? Little did I know it isn't always appropriate.

Have a good day! | You too!  

Hope you have a goodnight's rest! | You too! 

Enjoy class! | You too! Get home safely! You too! 

Who are going to dinner with? | X | :O You two?? lol

You too, you too, you too, so many words in the English language and we can't bring ourselves to say anything else? Then again, we don't care enough to say anything else, you too is just a formality, a way to leave on a 'happy note' I guess

I was out for lunch with a friend of mine and the waiter was as pleasant as I'd imagine a waiter to be. He brought our drinks and about 20 minutes later the food arrives. He gave us the usual "Hope you enjoy your meal!" and what do I do?? I tell him, "You too!" As soon as the words left my mouth I wished I could suck them back in! The look the waiter gave me rendered me immobile save for tissue I was making into confetti. He just kind of stood there, with this look like he couldn't believe what I said and I couldn't believe what he said. My friend was no help (you know who are) she sat there on her Blackberry like nothing was going on! The waiter said, "I would loooovve  to get something to eat but unfortunately for me I have to make sure all these people get their food!"

Friend: Well, someone's grumpy.

I'm just happy that was said after we got our food! Who knows what unspeakable things would have been done to it if it was said prior :| Be nice to your waiter. Your life is on his tray.

This Is...

It's always weird bringing a new person into "the fold". Well, I imagine it is for the new person, after all you're the only one they know and they have no idea if the others are going to like them. So the person doing the introductions should be their rock... Right?


Some friends made plans on going to the beach so I figured, hey why not bring someone else along? I met my friends there around midday and my other friend was going to meet us there later on. She calls me and I walk over to where she was and as we were walking back to the group she's telling me how weird she feels because she doesn't know anyone there. Being the wonderful friend that I am I offer words of encouragement and all that crap that good friends do. We get to where we set up camp and this is where everything got washed away.


Me: Yeah, this is *mumbles*

My hope was that when they said pardon she would pipe up and say it but unfortunately...

Fold Member: Huh? Her name is what?
Me: Why don't you guys ever listen when I talk??? *sigh*
Another Fold Member: I didn't hear you either


By this time Nameless had wandered off to the shore and I wanted to bury my head in the sand...


Me: I can't remember her name so I'm gonna go to the car and you guys call her over, ask her then bbm it to me :|
Fold Member: You are... Awful.


I can't believe I forgot her name!!!!! Let me explain a few things:

1. I met her through a friend just a couple days before
2. I never bothered to put her name and number in my phone :( a mistake i will never make again
3. I just like the number 3 and I hope this is enough to save me

I guess if you're gonna introduce someone to a group you should know their name and I guess my mumble method wasn't the best approach but I was under pressure! There was nothing else for me to do. I wish I could tell you what her name was but... It appears I have forgotten.

Hair Ye, Hair Ye

Today I asked a girl when she's planning on getting her hair done because I knew she was talking about going to the salon. Unfortunately for me... her... both of us she went to the salon the night before...


Me: So when are you going to get your hair done?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Uh... weren't you going to the salon or something?
Her: Yeah... It is done
Me: Did you do it yourself or-
Her: I went to the salon

I knew in my heart of hearts that there was NO WAY  that I could recover from this at all! I'm pretty sure right there and then she wrote me off of her good list :(

In my head I'm thinking, "Should I tell her I like it or will she know I'm liking since I didn't even notice she got her hair done... I hope when I go to the salon people notice... I won't tell anyone when I'm going to get my hair done, I'll just see if anyone comments... I wonder what I should tell her... Should I say anything? Her lipstick is fading, better tell her to reapply... Oh wait, she probably won't appreciate that."


When I zoned out I think she was saying something but I can't be sure since I was zoned out and all... I think was something along the lines of if I was showing off because I don't have to do much with my hair... What? If she only knew the time and effort that goes into this thick curly mane -_- It's a force to be reckoned with!


I no longer ask people when last they got their hair done... It can't go well... Can't go well at all

Stalker Texas Ranger

Ever had the feeling you were being watched? Ever thought that someone was following you? Did it make you feel weird? Do you know what could make this a lot worse???? When there's proof this person is following you.

There's four sets of people at my University: the ones you see all the time, the ones you see every once in a while, the ones you see once and never again and the ones you never see and the ones who can't count. Whenever I left a particular class at the top of campus and made my way to the bottom, I always got this weird feeling like someone was watching me. This went on for a while but I figured it was just me being self-conscious until: I saw him. This skinny little dude was watching me. I was sure of it. I never noticed it before, but since I spotted him one time, I was beginning to notice him everywhere! He's one of those people that you wouldn't notice unless you know him and I didn't want to know him. Whenever I left class. There he was. Whenever I went to the cafeteria. There he was. Whenever I went to the book store. There he was. And he was always staring at me!

The first time he approached me I just hustled myself away pretending not to hear him. The second time he caught me as I was coming out of the bookstore. Dammit! He asked me for number and well... There was no way I was giving him mine! Remember my friend T from the blackberry post? I gave him that number instead. The third time he came up to  me he said in his Vincentian accent that gave me trouble to make out, "You seh you gimme yuh numbuh but I call it after you gimma it and you din even flinch, I call back again latuhon and some boy ansuh. Ya boyfriend?" I told him I had to go to class and he just kind of followed me :s I ducked into a random classroom and fortunately for me he didn't follow. What wasn't fortunate is that there was a tutorial in that classroom and nine people turned around to see me peeping through the glass pane in the door to see if he had gone.

After that he just kind of gave up but whenever he's close I know it. Whenever I get that feeling and I look around, sure enough he's there.

 

Cereal Killer

Do you like cereal? I do. I like it a lot, especially when it's crunchy. With every crunch of that cereal it sounds like there's a construction site in my head. I have to turn up the volume of whatever I'm listening to or just pause it all together and enjoy the crunchy goodness! Ever fake your way through a conversation? Was it someone that doesn't speak your language? The person who never talks above a whisper? Was it that guy that talks like an auctioneer spouting off hundreds of words per minute?


I was on campus killing time between classes when I remembered I had some of my favourite cereal in my bag. I'm minding my business crunching away, working my way through the final pages of my sudoku book when a girl sits down next to me. She's babbling away about something or the other and all I could think was, 

"I wonder if she knows I'm not listening... Damn this is some good cereal, I wish I had a bigger ziplock... I wonder how they make cereal. I'd like to go to a cereal factory or whatever it's called. Cereal mill? Ah, whatever. Oh, God, she's still talking and I can't hear her but I don't want to stop eating what do I do? Remember 'Madagascar'? Just smile and wave, boys. Don't wave, you idiot, just nod and smile and stuff. Oh no, my cereal's almost gone... Wait, is she leaving? Say goodbye, don't be rude."

I had no idea what she was saying but I figured it wasn't anything important since she didn't really promt me for responses. Saturday afternoon I get a call from her...


Planner: Are you ready? I'm leaving home now.
Me: What?
Planner: Remember on Thursday you agreed to go shopping with me so I can get a dress for my brother's wedding...
Me: Uuhh... I did?
Planner: Yes... I remember because you had cereal and I asked you for some but you like didn't say anything
Me: OOOHH!!! Um... I have no idea what you were saying. I couldn't hear anything over my chewing the cereal, but I'll still come if you want. Just give me 30 minutes
Planner: You dissed me for cereal? Couldn't you stop eating?
Me: It was good cereal...

[silence]

In my defense it really was some good cereal! Not my fault she didn't check to see if I was listening. She's never asked me to go shopping again by the way... And as far as I know, she went shopping alone that day, for some reason she didn't want my company any more, hope she had fun.

Wrong Number

Ever told someone something thinking it was someone else? Sent a wrong message via IM? Got voices mixed up on the phone? It never ends well, friends. It doesn't end well at all. Especially if you say something about them.

I was lounging around, surfing the net (I really need to find other things to do with my time) when the phone rang and I *swore* it was someone I wanted to talk to... I was sorely mistaken :/


Me: Hello
Voice: Hi, Mich!
Me: Yeah, B, we're going to the beach after class tomorrow are you coming?
Voice: Oh, I didn't know you guys had plans, I end at 3
Me: Okay, we're leaving at 3:30 so if you need a ride let me know.

[beep]

Me: I have a beep, I hope it's not X. I've been avoiding him for like 2 weeks, the man would just not leave me alone! Ugh!

Two clicks of the 'flash' button later

Me: Yeah.
Voice: Uh, hi
Me: Happen to you??
Voice: Who you thought this was?
Me: Pardon? [at this point I'm confused out of my mind, hoping that he's just messing with me]

[pause]

Voice: This is X
Me: Oh sweet Christ...

[pregnant pause]

Me: Uhhhhh

[click] 

I had to put down! I had to! I couldn't think of any way to save myself from that one! I saw him in the cafeteria two days later and the awkwardness was palpable! He hasn't spoken to me since :( ...Wonder why. He gives me this sad little look and looks away whenever I look at him.


When you're talking to someone always make sure that you're talking to the right person. Feelings get hurt people, oh yes, they get hurt.

Mistaken Identity

There's too many doppelgängers out there... Ever saw someone and swore it was someone you knew? They looked so alike that it couldn't possibly be another person? Had mannerisms so similar there was no way it could be someone else? Adrian Monk and DePalma, Katherine and Elena, will it ever end?

I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch and when I was waiting for him to break from work I roamed the mall aimlessly. Soft pretzel in hand, I wandered around a clothing store when I saw a friend of mine pass the store entrance. I put the dress I was holding back on the rack and went after her. I wasn't following her, okay? I was just trying to catch up... I noticed she put on a little weight there, had a new haircut and a few other things I won't go into! When we (haha, we) reached the candy store, which is pretty far from the clothing store where I was, a whole other floor! Okay, maybe I was following her. I touched her hair a bit and...

Me: Hey, good looking!

Dopplegänger: Hi!

She then spun around and it turns out, her side profile lied, I have never seen this girl in my entire life... let alone her being my friend.

Dopplegänger: Hi? Do I know you? [confused face]
Me: No, but uh, I thought you were someone.
Dopplegänger: Do you mean ___? Because I get that a lot, she's my half sister.
Me: Ooohhh, yeah, I thought you were her, just bigger.
Dopplegänger: Pardon?
Me: You're not fat or anything, just ya know... Thick? Just bigger than her or whatever. Um...

[thickest (lol, thick) pause]

Me: Well uh... I'm gonna go now... I have to meet my friend for lunch.


At lunch in a little Italian place relaying to the story to my friend when the Dopplegänger walks in!!!


Me: Don't make it obvious but look to the right, that's the girl.
Friend: [in what he thought was a whisper] Who you mean? The girl in red? She looks something like ___ but fat. She?
[silence]
Friend: [louder still] She????


I looked up to see if she heard - of course she did, how could she not. Fml.
She looked at me, I looked down.
I looked back up, she looked away...
Continue until she leaves. I'm so happy she took her food to go! 


Kids, when approaching someone ALWAYS make sure it's the right person.

Picking a Winner

Do you pick your nose? No? Don't lie, I know you do. Tell me you do it when no one's looking... Tell me you don't look like you're digging for treasure. Nose pickers everywhere bother me, it's so gross. Even more gross is  when someone examines what they found in there.

I was out with a friend at one of my favourite casual dining restaurants waiting for my order an we know I'm a starer, so I found myself looking at different people when this one lady caught my eye. She was glancing around with this weird look like she was nervous and she was running her finger along her face... And then... She stuck that finger in her nose.

Me: Omg.

Friend: What?

Me: That lady is picking her nose!

Friend: Are you gonna watch? 

Me: She's really getting in there.

I really wish I looked away. I wanted to, but something else wanted to see where this was going. Although, looking back, where else could it have gone?

Friend: You're a weird person do you know that?

Me: Holy shit! She's still at it!

Friend: I hope she finds what she is looking for.

[nose picker looks up]

In that moment I didn't know what to do but look away as quick as I could, but I have Starers Disease. @_@ 

I glanced back and by this time she was no longer looking at me and she put the finger back in again! When she took out that finger she stared at it for a while, then she wiped it on the table. Mid-wipe she looks around and catches me staring and I had to force myself not to look away. That is hands down the most awkward situation involving a nose picker that I have ever been in. I looked away for a bit and when I looked back she was still looking at me! And from then it was this weird little don't-catch-me-looking-at-you game.

Don't pick your nose in public. Don't examine it. Don't wipe it on a table. And above all!!! Don't make me feel weird about it!

Are You Gonna Get That?

You know what's disgusting? People talking while they're chewing. You know what else is disgusting? Someone chewing with their mouth wide open. You know what's more disgusting than that??? When food flies from someone's mouth and onto you.

A friend and I were having lunch one day... Well she was having lunch and I was busying myself with Sudoku... And she's a talker. As she babbled on about what her ex-friend wore to Mojo last weekend, a piece of pie flew out of her mouth and onto my hand. It didn't register at that moment, I just stared at her for a bit then...

Me: Um... [looks down] 

Rocket Launcher: Happen?

Me: Really? Did you not see that?

Rocket Launcher: See what?

Me: [looks down]

The look on her face was one of sheer horror. I think she grossed herself out... And as she's sitting there debating in her head what to do, I felt as though her spit was getting under my skin and... *shudder*

Rocket Launcher: Do you want a tissue or something? Cause that's -

Me: What? Nasty?? Get that...

Rocket Launcher: I don't wanna touch it...

So I did what any reasonable person would do - I wiped it on her shirt.

We sat in silence for a while, she pushing her food around in the carton and I fiddling with my pen, until I made some excuse and left. We haven't eaten lunch with just the two of us since then and when ever we're eating in a group I sit as far away from her as possible #itsjusttooweird

And people!!! Please, Please, Please!!! Keep the food in your mouth hidden :/ no one wants to see that...

BFF xoxo

Do you have a best friend? I have few... And this one time, someone thought they were my best friend, but they weren't I guess we were good enough friends but... I don't know... could I be her best friend but her not be mine? Does it have to go both ways? People really complicate this best friend business.

So me and this girl were hanging out and a couple people joined us. We were making good conversation and this guy just sprung this one me!

Guy: You two are always together, are you best friends?

Me: No!

'BFF': Yes!

We said it at the same time. [pregnant pause]

'BFF': Aren't we best friends?
Me: [nervous laughter]: Are we?
'BFF': Yeah... I thought we were.
Me: Oh, I didn't know... I mean we're friends but - 
'BFF': What?


By this time all other conversation at the table had ceased and everyone was staring at us. She avoided looking at me for a bit, but she's a real trooper so she bounced back pretty quick. I, on the other hand, couldn't even make eye contact for another five minutes.


She soon had to leave... And then she hugged me. And it was weird.


Girl at Table: How could you have a best friend mix up?
Me: [sigh] I... I don't know. Let's pretend that never happened.


The next time I have a friendship mixup like this I'm just going to play along because, that, my friends, was one weird moment! And it would be helping them, right? Who doesn't like knowing they have friends? I'll become a regular Good Samaritan.

Have We Met?

It's impossible to remember everyone you've met, right? What about if you've met them twice? Does it even count if you didn't have real conversation? I went to the cafeteria for lunch and someone tapped me on the shoulder...

Stranger: Hi, Michelle.

Me: Um, hi?

Stranger: How's it going?

Me: Do I know you?

Stranger: We met a couple times

I thought he was just hitting on me...

Me: I'm pretty sure I don't know you buddy

Stranger: Yes, you do! Do you remember the time -

Me: I'm gonna go now...

Turns out he was a friend's boyfriend and I saw him at the beach a couple weeks after that...

Me: Oh wait, it's that weird looking guy from the cafeteria I was telling you about

Friend: Where?

Me: Walking towards us!

Friend: That... that's my boyfriend... 

She introduced us for third (and final) time and I felt weird... After all, she chose to lay with the guy I thought looked weird and I thought was hitting on me, AND! I'm sure later on she told him all of what I said because when he sees me on campus, he gives me this odd look like he's going to say something, but then he doesn't... When we're in a group there's always a weird vibe and in my head I'm like, Everyone can tell, I know it.

I still can't remember his name.

 

I Heard That

Few bodily functions make things more weird when you're with someone and they fart. And they don't address it. And then you bring it up. Yup, things get weird, very weird.

We had to pair up for a group assignment, so I chose to work with someone I knew. The group meeting was at my house, so my Mom retreated to her room and left us alone. Twenty minutes in we turned off the tv so we wouldn't keep getting distracted, big mistake. The house was dead silent except for the tapping on the keyboard and clicking of the mouse when she let rip a fart that rumbled through the house... I looked up at her but her gaze didn't even shift...


Me: [cough]
Foghorn: What?
Me: What do you mean what? You just farted...
Foghorn: Wh- [pause] No I didn't...
Me: Yes you did the neighbours heard yo-

The smell hit me and I wanted to gag.

Me: What did you eat? Wtf!
Foghorn: I am so sorry
Me: That smell! Down here smells like something died! Good gosh! I'm going outside!
Foghorn: [softly] Okay.

I need to learn when to shut up...

Me: Yeah, because that was foul!!! I would die in here! Are you staying? How can you stomach it?


When I got back inside it seemed she found it hard to look at me and our work on the project went sour (like the fart). I just couldn't concentrate after that. Every time she moved I wondered if she was getting ready to gas me again... I blame her for that C- we got, I wanted an A, but her fart killed some brain cells... And almost ended my life.

Tagging Along

Ever notice you were going somewhere and someone invited themselves along with you... either literally followed you or involved themselves in whatever plans you were making? Did it make everything weird and you had no idea what to say or do?


We were having a group conversation about my friend's birthday dinner and some random person sitting at the table (well not random but they were far removed only the friend of a friend) decides to get involved.


The Uninvited: Oh where is that? I could come, I'll have car this weekend.
Friend 1: Come where?
The Uninvited: To the dinner.
Friend 2: [feigns surprise] You weren't invited?
The Uninvited: [nervously] No, guess not...

[silence]

The Uninvited: So where's the place?
Friend 1: This is uncomfortable.


_______________
And then there was this other time me and a couple friends went downtown and ran into another far removed person. She was the friend of the person I was with (or so I thought) but I had no ties to her whatsoever. They chatted for about two minutes and you know when you get that feeling someone's following you??


My Friend: Do you feel like someone is with us?
Me: What? It's town, there's people everywhere.
My Friend: [looks back quickly] Oh my God she's here.
Me: What?


We get to the store we were going to and sure enough she walked in behind us.


My Friend: Are you buying something from here? Didn't think this was your kind of place.
The Tag Along: No. I was just coming with you guys.
My Friend: We're actually pretty busy and we're trying to catch up with each other and stuff...
The Tag Along: I don't mind.


After our purchases my friend looks at me and is like, Walk as fast as you can and don't look back. I'm like what the - 
She walked ahead and left me! I didn't want to be left behind, I swear, so I walked up too. I'd tried justifying it in my head, if she catches up she was meant to hang out with us! My friend stopped a few minutes later and by this time I'm starving! We went somewhere to eat and as we were leaving who did we run into outside??? The same girl we, well she! Left in the street... It was so weird, to put it lightly... We gave her a ride home and it was one of the most uncomfortable car rides I have ever had, even worse than when someone peed in the car...

That Doesn't Feel Right

Don't you hate it when strangers touch you? I do. Hell, sometimes I even hate it when people I know touch me. And what makes it worse when there's an unwanted touch: when they're clammy. I cannot fully describe how much I recoil if someone's clammy hands accidentally touch mine. I'm pretty particular about what I let touch me, and that friends, is not something I welcome.

So I'm in a clothing store and you know how you can stand on either side of some racks and sometimes there's a person standing opposite you looking through the same rack? Well I'm looking through shirts and some girl manages to reach for the same hanger I do and in a weird twist of fate I don't believe in our hands touch and my world stopped. I took a sharp breath, my eyes closed, my head turned to the left and my hands went up in an I surrender position all in one fluid motion; I couldn't help myself, I swear! Imagine a peeled cucumber just above room temperature that's soft and slightly wet... Not pleasant is it? She didn't take my reaction very well...

Clammy Hands: What?

Me: What about what?

Clammy Hands: Whatever.

I should have said nothing after this.

Me: Your hands are clammy.

Clammy Hands: I know... It happens to me sometimes

[awkward pause]

Me: Soaking your hands in tea every week can help, dries out the sweat glands

I think she thought I was messing with her because she walked away from me. Some people just don't appreciate good help these days! No really... tea helps that, so if any of you have clammy hands, give it a try. Met her again at the check-out but she moved to another line, bitch. When she paid for her stuff the cashier cringed and I thought: win! 


I wonder if she tried it...

You Dropped Something

What do you do when the person opposite you has something out of place?

Food in the teeth, bad breath, armpit forest, stray thread, a hang nail... Or my personal favourite: the runaway fake eyelash.

I was on campus one day sitting under a tree, when a girl sat across the table from me. She started making conversation and somewhere between the state of the girls' bathroom and how much I spend on lunch, one of her fake eyelashes started trying to escape. I'm a starer. So I stared. I thought, "Should I say something??" But she just kept on talking, so I figured she'd go fix it or something... She didn't. As the conversation progressed I tried to look around me and focus on other things, but my eyes always found the runaway lash :|

Neither here nor there, but at this point I told myself that I'm happy I have naturally full lashes and don't have to resort to such things, but as for her lash? Well, it blew away. Guess it had a mind of its own. It didn't get very far though, it fell to the table. You know that look? The one people get when something embarrassing happens to them but they don't want call any attention to it and they wonder if anyone saw that and you can see these thoughts travel across their faces?? She had that look... and for some reason I thought it was a bright idea to address it...

Me: Are you gonna get that?

Lashless Girl: [nervously] Get what?

Me: Um, your eyelash? it's on the table...

I just couldn't let that go could I?

Lashless Girl: [fiddling with her hands] Huh? What do you mean?

I should have really given up at this point, she really didn't seem to want to address this.

Me: You can pick it up, your eyelash, it's okay, I'm not bothered.

After that little exchange she didn't say much, just kind of sat there, looking around and avoiding eye contact. She told me she was leaving soon after and she left the eyelash. Sad thing is: I almost called her back for it.