Sunday, September 26, 2010

Tagging Along

Posted by Michelle on Sunday, September 26, 2010 3 Comments
Ever notice you were going somewhere and someone invited themselves along with you... either literally followed you or involved themselves in whatever plans you were making? Did it make everything weird and you had no idea what to say or do?

We were having a group conversation about my friend's birthday dinner and some random person sitting at the table (well not random but they were far removed only the friend of a friend) decides to get involved.

The Uninvited: Oh where is that? I could come, I'll have car this weekend.
Friend 1: Come where?
The Uninvited: To the dinner.
Friend 2: [feigns surprise] You weren't invited?
The Uninvited: [nervously] No, guess not...
The Uninvited: So where's the place?
Friend 1: This is uncomfortable.

And then there was this other time me and a couple friends went downtown and ran into another far removed person. She was the friend of the person I was with (or so I thought) but I had no ties to her whatsoever. They chatted for about two minutes and you know when you get that feeling someone's following you??

My Friend: Do you feel like someone is with us?
Me: What? It's town, there's people everywhere.
My Friend: [looks back quickly] Oh my God she's here.
Me: What?

We get to the store we were going to and sure enough she walked in behind us.

My Friend: Are you buying something from here? Didn't think this was your kind of place.
The Tag Along: No. I was just coming with you guys.
My Friend: We're actually pretty busy and we're trying to catch up with each other and stuff...
The Tag Along: I don't mind.

After our purchases my friend looks at me and is like, Walk as fast as you can and don't look back. I'm like what the - 
She walked ahead and left me! I didn't want to be left behind, I swear, so I walked up too. I'd tried justifying it in my head, if she catches up she was meant to hang out with us! My friend stopped a few minutes later and by this time I'm starving! We went somewhere to eat and as we were leaving who did we run into outside??? The same girl we, well she! Left in the street... It was so weird, to put it lightly... We gave her a ride home and it was one of the most uncomfortable car rides I have ever had, even worse than when someone peed in the car...

That Doesn't Feel Right

Posted by Michelle on Sunday, September 26, 2010 3 Comments
Don't you hate it when strangers touch you? I do. Hell, sometimes I even hate it when people I know touch me. And what makes it worse when there's an unwanted touch: when they're clammy. I cannot fully describe how much I recoil if someone's clammy hands accidentally touch mine. I'm pretty particular about what I let touch me, and that friends, is not something I welcome.

So I'm in a clothing store and you know how you can stand on either side of some racks and sometimes there's a person standing opposite you looking through the same rack? Well I'm looking through shirts and some girl manages to reach for the same hanger I do and in a weird twist of fate I don't believe in our hands touch and my world stopped. I took a sharp breath, my eyes closed, my head turned to the left and my hands went up in an I surrender position all in one fluid motion; I couldn't help myself, I swear! Imagine a peeled cucumber just above room temperature that's soft and slightly wet... Not pleasant is it? She didn't take my reaction very well...

Clammy Hands: What?
Me: What about what?
Clammy Hands: Whatever.
I should have said nothing after this.
Me: Your hands are clammy.
Clammy Hands: I know... It happens to me sometimes
[awkward pause]
Me: Soaking your hands in tea every week can help, dries out the sweat glands

I think she thought I was messing with her because she walked away from me. Some people just don't appreciate good help these days! No really... tea helps that, so if any of you have clammy hands, give it a try. Met her again at the check-out but she moved to another line, bitch. When she paid for her stuff the cashier cringed and I thought: win! 

I wonder if she tried it...

Saturday, September 25, 2010

You Dropped Something

Posted by Michelle on Saturday, September 25, 2010 4 Comments
What do you do when the person opposite you has something out of place?

Food in the teeth, bad breath, armpit forest, stray thread, a hang nail... Or my personal favourite: the runaway fake eyelash.

I was on campus one day sitting under a tree, when a girl sat across the table from me. She started making conversation and somewhere between the state of the girls' bathroom and how much I spend on lunch, one of her fake eyelashes started trying to escape. I'm a starer. So I stared. I thought, "Should I say something??" But she just kept on talking, so I figured she'd go fix it or something... She didn't. As the conversation progressed I tried to look around me and focus on other things, but my eyes always found the runaway lash :|

Neither here nor there, but at this point I told myself that I'm happy I have naturally full lashes and don't have to resort to such things, but as for her lash? Well, it blew away. Guess it had a mind of its own. It didn't get very far though, it fell to the table. You know that look? The one people get when something embarrassing happens to them but they don't want call any attention to it and they wonder if anyone saw that and you can see these thoughts travel across their faces?? She had that look... and for some reason I thought it was a bright idea to address it...

Me: Are you gonna get that?
Lashless Girl: [nervously] Get what?
Me: Um, your eyelash? it's on the table...
I just couldn't let that go could I?
Lashless Girl: [fiddling with her hands] Huh? What do you mean?
I should have really given up at this point, she really didn't seem to want to address this.
Me: You can pick it up, your eyelash, it's okay, I'm not bothered.

After that little exchange she didn't say much, just kind of sat there, looking around and avoiding eye contact. She told me she was leaving soon after and she left the eyelash. Sad thing is: I almost called her back for it.

Profile Pictures

Posted by Michelle on Saturday, September 25, 2010 3 Comments
Ever been on Facebook? Of course you have, who doesn't want to join a network where everyone can keep up with your every thought, location and day-to-day happenings and have photos to brighten the experience. Well, friends, Photoshop should be banned on these sites. You know, there's your friends, but then there's also their friends and you're like, You have other friends? *click* Oh he/she isn't bad looking. And then you saw them in person. Wow. And then there's the friend whom you haven't seen in a while, but they're looking noticeably better these days.

Pictures lie. Oh yes they do! The other day I saw the friend of a friend and I could not stop staring at her, she wasn't ugly, just different to what was advertised. All I could think was, Hope she doesn't notice. How could she not? She was standing right in front of me and I was looking her full in the face without blinking!!! It was so shocking to see that this girl that was so 'beautiful' was average at best.

Unedited Girl: Why are you looking at me like that??
Me: You look different...
Oh shit why did I say that???
Unedited Girl: Different how
Me: On Facebook you look different
[weird pause]
Me: I have class, Later...

When I got home, what did I do? I logged on to Facebook, went to her profile and said, "Wow..."

But you can't edit real life.


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