Sunday, October 31, 2010

Wrong Number

Posted by Michelle on Sunday, October 31, 2010 0 Comments
Ever told someone something thinking it was someone else? Sent a wrong message via IM? Got voices mixed up on the phone? It never ends well, friends. It doesn't end well at all. Especially if you say something about them.

I was lounging around, surfing the net (I really need to find other things to do with my time) when the phone rang and I *swore* it was someone I wanted to talk to... I was sorely mistaken :/

Me: Hello
Voice: Hi, Mich!
Me: Yeah, B, we're going to the beach after class tomorrow are you coming?
Voice: Oh, I didn't know you guys had plans, I end at 3
Me: Okay, we're leaving at 3:30 so if you need a ride let me know.
Me: I have a beep, I hope it's not X. I've been avoiding him for like 2 weeks, the man would just not leave me alone! Ugh!
Two clicks of the 'flash' button later
Me: Yeah.
Voice: Uh, hi
Me: Happen to you??
Voice: Who you thought this was?
Me: Pardon? [at this point I'm confused out of my mind, hoping that he's just messing with me]
Voice: This is X
Me: Oh sweet Christ...
[pregnant pause]
Me: Uhhhhh
I had to put down! I had to! I couldn't think of any way to save myself from that one! I saw him in the cafeteria two days later and the awkwardness was palpable! He hasn't spoken to me since :( ...Wonder why. He gives me this sad little look and looks away whenever I look at him.

When you're talking to someone always make sure that you're talking to the right person. Feelings get hurt people, oh yes, they get hurt.

Attention Readers!

Posted by Michelle on Sunday, October 31, 2010 1 Comments
Hi,guys! I'm thinking of trying something new here... Something to get you guys involved but I'm not sure what. Should I have weekly polls?? Start taking reader submissions perhaps? 

What are your thoughts?

Hit the comment section at the top right of the post and let me know!
Thanks! :)

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Mistaken Identity

Posted by Michelle on Saturday, October 23, 2010 0 Comments
There's too many doppelgängers out there... Ever saw someone and swore it was someone you knew? They looked so alike that it couldn't possibly be another person? Had mannerisms so similar there was no way it could be someone else? Adrian Monk and DePalma, Katherine and Elena, will it ever end?

I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch and when I was waiting for him to break from work I roamed the mall aimlessly. Soft pretzel in hand, I wandered around a clothing store when I saw a friend of mine pass the store entrance. I put the dress I was holding back on the rack and went after her. I wasn't following her, okay? I was just trying to catch up... I noticed she put on a little weight there, had a new haircut and a few other things I won't go into! When we (haha, we) reached the candy store, which is pretty far from the clothing store where I was, a whole other floor! Okay, maybe I was following her. I touched her hair a bit and...

Me: Hey, good looking!
Dopplegänger: Hi!
She then spun around and it turns out, her side profile lied, I have never seen this girl in my entire life... let alone her being my friend.
Dopplegänger: Hi? Do I know you? [confused face]
Me: No, but uh, I thought you were someone.
Dopplegänger: Do you mean ___? Because I get that a lot, she's my half sister.
Me: Ooohhh, yeah, I thought you were her, just bigger.
Dopplegänger: Pardon?
Me: You're not fat or anything, just ya know... Thick? Just bigger than her or whatever. Um...
[thickest (lol, thick) pause]
Me: Well uh... I'm gonna go now... I have to meet my friend for lunch.

At lunch in a little Italian place relaying to the story to my friend when the Dopplegänger walks in!!!

Me: Don't make it obvious but look to the right, that's the girl.
Friend: [in what he thought was a whisper] Who you mean? The girl in red? She looks something like ___ but fat. She?
Friend: [louder still] She????

I looked up to see if she heard - of course she did, how could she not. Fml.
She looked at me, I looked down.
I looked back up, she looked away...
Continue until she leaves. I'm so happy she took her food to go! 

Kids, when approaching someone ALWAYS make sure it's the right person.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Picking a Winner

Posted by Michelle on Sunday, October 17, 2010 4 Comments
Do you pick your nose? No? Don't lie, I know you do. Tell me you do it when no one's looking... Tell me you don't look like you're digging for treasure. Nose pickers everywhere bother me, it's so gross. Even more gross is  when someone examines what they found in there.

I was out with a friend at one of my favourite casual dining restaurants waiting for my order an we know I'm a starer, so I found myself looking at different people when this one lady caught my eye. She was glancing around with this weird look like she was nervous and she was running her finger along her face... And then... She stuck that finger in her nose.

Me: Omg.
Friend: What?
Me: That lady is picking her nose!
Friend: Are you gonna watch? 
Me: She's really getting in there.
I really wish I looked away. I wanted to, but something else wanted to see where this was going. Although, looking back, where else could it have gone?
Friend: You're a weird person do you know that?
Me: Holy shit! She's still at it!
Friend: I hope she finds what she is looking for.
[nose picker looks up]
In that moment I didn't know what to do but look away as quick as I could, but I have Starers Disease. @_@ 
I glanced back and by this time she was no longer looking at me and she put the finger back in again! When she took out that finger she stared at it for a while, then she wiped it on the table. Mid-wipe she looks around and catches me staring and I had to force myself not to look away. That is hands down the most awkward situation involving a nose picker that I have ever been in. I looked away for a bit and when I looked back she was still looking at me! And from then it was this weird little don't-catch-me-looking-at-you game.

Don't pick your nose in public. Don't examine it. Don't wipe it on a table. And above all!!! Don't make me feel weird about it!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Are You Gonna Get That?

Posted by Michelle on Sunday, October 10, 2010 0 Comments

You know what's disgusting? People talking while they're chewing. You know what else is disgusting? Someone chewing with their mouth wide open. You know what's more disgusting than that??? When food flies from someone's mouth and onto you.

A friend and I were having lunch one day... Well she was having lunch and I was busying myself with Sudoku... And she's a talker. As she babbled on about what her ex-friend wore to Mojo last weekend, a piece of pie flew out of her mouth and onto my hand. It didn't register at that moment, I just stared at her for a bit then...

Me: Um... [looks down
Rocket Launcher: Happen?
Me: Really? Did you not see that?
Rocket Launcher: See what?
Me: [looks down]
The look on her face was one of sheer horror. I think she grossed herself out... And as she's sitting there debating in her head what to do, I felt as though her spit was getting under my skin and... *shudder*
Rocket Launcher: Do you want a tissue or something? Cause that's -
Me: What? Nasty?? Get that...
Rocket Launcher: I don't wanna touch it...

So I did what any reasonable person would do - I wiped it on her shirt.

We sat in silence for a while, she pushing her food around in the carton and I fiddling with my pen, until I made some excuse and left. We haven't eaten lunch with just the two of us since then and when ever we're eating in a group I sit as far away from her as possible #itsjusttooweird

And people!!! Please, Please, Please!!! Keep the food in your mouth hidden :/ no one wants to see that...

Saturday, October 9, 2010

BFF xoxo

Posted by Michelle on Saturday, October 09, 2010 0 Comments
Do you have a best friend? I have few... And this one time, someone thought they were my best friend, but they weren't I guess we were good enough friends but... I don't know... could I be her best friend but her not be mine? Does it have to go both ways? People really complicate this best friend business.

So me and this girl were hanging out and a couple people joined us. We were making good conversation and this guy just sprung this one me!

Guy: You two are always together, are you best friends?
Me: No!
'BFF': Yes!
We said it at the same time. [pregnant pause]
'BFF': Aren't we best friends?
Me: [nervous laughter]: Are we?
'BFF': Yeah... I thought we were.
Me: Oh, I didn't know... I mean we're friends but - 
'BFF': What?

By this time all other conversation at the table had ceased and everyone was staring at us. She avoided looking at me for a bit, but she's a real trooper so she bounced back pretty quick. I, on the other hand, couldn't even make eye contact for another five minutes.

She soon had to leave... And then she hugged me. And it was weird.

Girl at Table: How could you have a best friend mix up?
Me: [sigh] I... I don't know. Let's pretend that never happened.

The next time I have a friendship mixup like this I'm just going to play along because, that, my friends, was one weird moment! And it would be helping them, right? Who doesn't like knowing they have friends? I'll become a regular Good Samaritan.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Have We Met?

Posted by Michelle on Sunday, October 03, 2010 3 Comments
It's impossible to remember everyone you've met, right? What about if you've met them twice? Does it even count if you didn't have real conversation? I went to the cafeteria for lunch and someone tapped me on the shoulder...

Stranger: Hi, Michelle.
Me: Um, hi?
Stranger: How's it going?
Me: Do I know you?
Stranger: We met a couple times
I thought he was just hitting on me...
Me: I'm pretty sure I don't know you buddy
Stranger: Yes, you do! Do you remember the time -
Me: I'm gonna go now...

Turns out he was a friend's boyfriend and I saw him at the beach a couple weeks after that...

Me: Oh wait, it's that weird looking guy from the cafeteria I was telling you about
Friend: Where?
Me: Walking towards us!
Friend: That... that's my boyfriend... 

She introduced us for third (and final) time and I felt weird... After all, she chose to lay with the guy I thought looked weird and I thought was hitting on me, AND! I'm sure later on she told him all of what I said because when he sees me on campus, he gives me this odd look like he's going to say something, but then he doesn't... When we're in a group there's always a weird vibe and in my head I'm like, Everyone can tell, I know it.

I still can't remember his name.


I Heard That

Posted by Michelle on Sunday, October 03, 2010 4 Comments
Few bodily functions make things more weird when you're with someone and they fart. And they don't address it. And then you bring it up. Yup, things get weird, very weird.

We had to pair up for a group assignment, so I chose to work with someone I knew. The group meeting was at my house, so my Mom retreated to her room and left us alone. Twenty minutes in we turned off the tv so we wouldn't keep getting distracted, big mistake. The house was dead silent except for the tapping on the keyboard and clicking of the mouse when she let rip a fart that rumbled through the house... I looked up at her but her gaze didn't even shift...

Me: [cough]
Foghorn: What?
Me: What do you mean what? You just farted...
Foghorn: Wh- [pause] No I didn't...
Me: Yes you did the neighbours heard yo-
The smell hit me and I wanted to gag.
Me: What did you eat? Wtf!
Foghorn: I am so sorry
Me: That smell! Down here smells like something died! Good gosh! I'm going outside!
Foghorn: [softly] Okay.
I need to learn when to shut up...
Me: Yeah, because that was foul!!! I would die in here! Are you staying? How can you stomach it?

When I got back inside it seemed she found it hard to look at me and our work on the project went sour (like the fart). I just couldn't concentrate after that. Every time she moved I wondered if she was getting ready to gas me again... I blame her for that C- we got, I wanted an A, but her fart killed some brain cells... And almost ended my life.


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