I Heard That

Few bodily functions make things more weird when you're with someone and they fart. And they don't address it. And then you bring it up. Yup, things get weird, very weird.

We had to pair up for a group assignment, so I chose to work with someone I knew. The group meeting was at my house, so my Mom retreated to her room and left us alone. Twenty minutes in we turned off the tv so we wouldn't keep getting distracted, big mistake. The house was dead silent except for the tapping on the keyboard and clicking of the mouse when she let rip a fart that rumbled through the house... I looked up at her but her gaze didn't even shift...


Me: [cough]
Foghorn: What?
Me: What do you mean what? You just farted...
Foghorn: Wh- [pause] No I didn't...
Me: Yes you did the neighbours heard yo-

The smell hit me and I wanted to gag.

Me: What did you eat? Wtf!
Foghorn: I am so sorry
Me: That smell! Down here smells like something died! Good gosh! I'm going outside!
Foghorn: [softly] Okay.

I need to learn when to shut up...

Me: Yeah, because that was foul!!! I would die in here! Are you staying? How can you stomach it?


When I got back inside it seemed she found it hard to look at me and our work on the project went sour (like the fart). I just couldn't concentrate after that. Every time she moved I wondered if she was getting ready to gas me again... I blame her for that C- we got, I wanted an A, but her fart killed some brain cells... And almost ended my life.