Mistaken Identity

There's too many doppelgängers out there... Ever saw someone and swore it was someone you knew? They looked so alike that it couldn't possibly be another person? Had mannerisms so similar there was no way it could be someone else? Adrian Monk and DePalma, Katherine and Elena, will it ever end?

I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch and when I was waiting for him to break from work I roamed the mall aimlessly. Soft pretzel in hand, I wandered around a clothing store when I saw a friend of mine pass the store entrance. I put the dress I was holding back on the rack and went after her. I wasn't following her, okay? I was just trying to catch up... I noticed she put on a little weight there, had a new haircut and a few other things I won't go into! When we (haha, we) reached the candy store, which is pretty far from the clothing store where I was, a whole other floor! Okay, maybe I was following her. I touched her hair a bit and...

Me: Hey, good looking!

Dopplegänger: Hi!

She then spun around and it turns out, her side profile lied, I have never seen this girl in my entire life... let alone her being my friend.

Dopplegänger: Hi? Do I know you? [confused face]
Me: No, but uh, I thought you were someone.
Dopplegänger: Do you mean ___? Because I get that a lot, she's my half sister.
Me: Ooohhh, yeah, I thought you were her, just bigger.
Dopplegänger: Pardon?
Me: You're not fat or anything, just ya know... Thick? Just bigger than her or whatever. Um...

[thickest (lol, thick) pause]

Me: Well uh... I'm gonna go now... I have to meet my friend for lunch.


At lunch in a little Italian place relaying to the story to my friend when the Dopplegänger walks in!!!


Me: Don't make it obvious but look to the right, that's the girl.
Friend: [in what he thought was a whisper] Who you mean? The girl in red? She looks something like ___ but fat. She?
[silence]
Friend: [louder still] She????


I looked up to see if she heard - of course she did, how could she not. Fml.
She looked at me, I looked down.
I looked back up, she looked away...
Continue until she leaves. I'm so happy she took her food to go! 


Kids, when approaching someone ALWAYS make sure it's the right person.